When I read The Bridget Jones diaries a few years back I had never thought a time would come when I will be able to relate with her. Back then I read the book for fun. Now that I AM old, though not yet her age in the book,but quite old by normal marriage standards (if there exists such a thing) I can feel the same things beginning around me. And surprisingly the first taunt/ kind advice came from a friend who is years younger to me. An older & much married friend offering me “friendly advice” wouldn’t have hurt but a 21 year old kid telling me to settle down before its too late….OUCH!
Before I begin let me make it very clear that she is a very dear friend & not at all a malicious sort of a person who gets pleasure from hurting others. Hence I assume what she said was from the goodness of her heart & some true genuine concern which she felt for me. Also I guess having a boyfriend at 21 (relationship going strong since past 3 years) does make a person go into counselling mode.
She advised me to find a guy for myself as once a girl gets older (marriage age is 21, any number beyond 25 is spinster) the chances of her finding anyone good are quite less (very Pride & Prejudiceish!). She also added that as I am not an engineer or doctor my chances are even reduced as guys these days need a working woman (which they marry & then ask her to leave the job so she can take care of the house). Being fat is another huge black mark against me as guys like their girls slim. By the end of the conversation I had lapsed into a depression….temporarily!
My question is why do people give unasked for advice? While she maybe perfectly willing to mold herself to become her partners ideal mate I really find such things hypocritical. My man can have me fat, less educated & old or not at all. Why must I turn into someone who I am not just for the sake of impressing a person whom I haven’t even met? And the worst part is if I say this to her face it will cost me a dear friend. So I listen to advice which I had never asked for in the first place & will never follow & get depressed?!
What is it about people in relationships? Why do they feel everyone around them should be in pairs too? Why can’t a person who is single be thought of as happy? You found your happiness with someone, I am finding it with myself! Is that really so difficult to understand?